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crappy acoustic guitar
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After listening to Dick Valentine’s acoustic album I decided to break out my old acoustic guitar that I never use. One day I’ll learn chords, one day.
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Pudding Brains
Little song I made last month. My Nan had another serious fall and is back in hospital with broken bones. Happy mother’s day. I think I might give up on my dreams and become an accountant.
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Pancakes
I don’t sing in this one. I called it pancakes because I made it after I ate a lot of pancakes. Just some silly guitar.
I was comparing dicks with my buddy Russell. His dick is cool looking like Rob Liefeld drew it. Mine on the other hand is weird and alien like Dr. Seuss art. I hate the way my dick goes off in all different directions. My buddy Russell has taken to calling me “Seuss Dick”, a very hurtful name. Is there any kind of acid I can use to scar my buddy Russell’s dick so it won’t look cool anymore?
—Anonymous
Dear Andre Carter of Aiea, HI,
Well, if you ask me, I have always found the way Dr. Seuss rendered dicks to be quite imaginative and striking. Maybe that’s just me appreciating the work of a fellow doctor!
In time, I believe you will be able to appreciate your own dick’s special shape and cherish the secrets it holds. Every man goes through a similar crisis, but each of us must remember that we only get one unique dick, or in rare cases, two.
As for scarring your friend’s dick with acid, I can’t recommend it. To cause permanent damage to its tough outer layer, you would need to submerge your friend’s dick in acid for several minutes, not a simple splash-and-run.
Instead, consider a compromise. Try asking your friend to wear an ugly witch mask over his dick whenever you’re around. He may surprise you.
—Dr. Ricky D. Dickdoctor, MD
